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where do you begin when it’s been far too long since you wrote and you are not entirely sure what you want to say. but i suppose the answer is somewhere, anywhere, so here goes…
when i decided not to move to NYC this summer i made a pact with myself that if i planned on staying here in portland for any length of time it was high time i started actually ‘living’ here again instead of just biding my time until i found somewhere more appealing. part of that for me meant bringing myself out of queer hibernation and reconnecting with my ‘community’ both socially and politically. and though i remain hopeful about both, i also [quite often] find myself discouraged and feel tempted to throw up my hands and crawl back into my hole. but nothing ever got accomplished that way so instead i am committed to trying to engage in honest and open dialogue, even when its difficult. and while blogging doesn’t change the world, maybe it’s a starting point.
next thursday, november 20th, will mark the tenth annual transgender day of remembrance, this year nothing has been planned here in portland because [if i have my information correct] the group who usually hosts an event lost its funding for that particular program. i saw this as an excellent opportunity to get myself involved and try to get folks together and plan something, which ultimately would cost little to no money to pull off. after making attempts on two social networking sites and contacting ‘equality maine’ the TDOR is a week away and nothing is planned because no one appears to care [ok one person did show some interest but they are already far too busy with other event planning and i can't/don't fault them for that].
it also so happens that the TDOR falls the day before the annual college-sponsored drag show, which incidentally is keeping many local queer busy in planning and participating. personally, i have nothing against drag shows, they are not necessarily my cup of tea but i support your right to host/participate in them. for the last few weeks, however, i have this nagging anger that rises up every time i think about how much effort and energy and time and money was put into the drag show versus how very overlooked the TDOR is/was. it feels to me like we are saying: gender variance/identity/expression is supported and accepted when it is done for entertainment, when it is done in jest, when you can go home and change your clothes and take off your wig and go back to being your “proper sex.” but when it’s your life, when it’s who you are, when you can’t live any other way no matter what it may cost you [including but not limited to family, friends, partners, money] and someone kills you for it- we don’t care.
i don’t want to alienate but i think my anger is justified. but what i feel more than angry is disappointment. i will be the first to say that i could do far more than i am doing and though i am not writing this to make anyone feel bad, if you do feel bad, maybe you should. i know i do. i don’t know how many trans people are going to be killed before we wake up and give a shit, but for anyone who is counting, 23 trans folks in our global community were murdered this year, and that doesn’t include the countless others that go unreported [for the record it doesn't include those who were victims of hate crimes but lived].
so thursday night i will be honoring the TDOR whether it is by myself in silent prayer in the confides of my apartment, or with a candle in monument square with my community. if anyone wants to join me, i can be contacted at stephenandrew81@gmail.com. i don’t think much gets solved by standing on a soapbox so i welcome healthy debate/conversation/opinions/thoughts etc, and i sure hope i won’t be standing alone thursday night.
http://www.transgenderdor.org/?page_id=58
[in other news: check back soon for more posts on racism in the queer community, equal marriage, rants about how much i want a baby and other light hearted banter].
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Hey, Stephen.
That’s upsetting to hear. Honestly, I checked out of planning TDOR the year before last because I needed to take some space from my work in trans-community…to figure out if I even had a place there anymore. But, I always looked forward to attending the event and recognizing the deaths of transpeople and the many oppressions that often surround their passing (i.e., transwomen of color killed by boyfriends or johns).
I’m sorry to hear nothing was planned this year and embarassed I did not know that until reading this. I hope you and dedicated others can revive this important event. If there’s a way for me to be helpful, please let me know.
Jill
Comment by Jill November 13, 2008 @ 1:07 pm