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“Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages?”
it is the eve of a potentially historical election in maine and i am awake anxiously wondering what will happen tomorrow night. unless you never pick up a newspaper, read online news headlines or you don’t own a tv, you have probably heard about “question one.” tomorrow we go to the polls [those who haven't already voted early or with absentee ballots] and we have the opportunity to be the first state in America to legalize same-sex marriage by the people’s choice. our legislators already did a fine job of creating a bill to extend civil marriage rights to same sex-couples, but thanks to a people’s veto it is now on the ballot, because enough people here in maine still just don’t get it.
at first i was reluctant to make myself an active part of the marriage issue. this was due largely in part to the fact that i believe a disproportionate amount of time, money, energy, and resources of GLBT organizations all over the country focus on the issue of marriage equality and seem to pass over, or barely notice, all of the other issues our community needs to be fighting just as hard for. this is not to say that i don’t think marriage equality is important, because it is, and i fully support it. still, i can’t help but think of all of the other ways in which the money that went into this campaign, the extraordinary efforts of volunteers, politicians, GLBT and GLBT-friendly organizations in maine; could have been used to support and fund hundreds of different and equally important projects within our community. but like it or not here we are, and until we recognize same-sex marriage in maine we won’t be moving forward much further. so let’s get this done already and then use this powerful momentum to keep pushing forward and creating more positive change.
when you think about it logically, and you remove the religious debate [which let's face it, has no real leg to stand on when we consider the separation between church and state], what is the big deal?
you can not argue about the sanctity of marriage when you consider the divorce rates in this country, when you can get drunk and marry someone you just met in a chapel in vegas officiated by a lame elvis impersonator [no offense if this is how you chose to celebrate your own union], when there are shows like “rock of love” where some has-been hair band musician has a bus full of women with fake breasts, poor self esteem and substance abuse problems fighting [often literally] to win the great prize of being made his wife. meanwhile, here in maine, there are hundreds of GLBT couples who believe so strongly in the institution of marriage they are willing to put their time, money, and energy into fighting for their right to be a part of it…i can see why we need to “protect marriage” from these terrifying people.
you can not argue that, “well, i have nothing against gay people, but…” because if you have nothing against gay people, than kindly stop trying to refuse them the same rights and privileges that their straight counterparts receive. it’s like starting an offensive statement with, “i don’t mean this to be offensive, but…” [hint- you are being offensive].
and you certainly can not argue that this law would allow “homosexual marriage” to be taught in public schools. unless i was absent on the day it was taught, i don’t recall my public school teaching me about “heterosexual marriage.” i suppose the teachers in my public schools figured at the age of seven, marriage wasn’t really considered important as compared to multiplication tables, phonics, and art. regardless of how we define civil marriage, public schools are likely to touch upon the subject of diversity because you tend to encounter diversity in public schools. whether or not suzie’s two daddies are legally married, they are still members of the PTA, show up for parent-teacher conferences, and oh- pay taxes to fund our public schools.with our without marriage equality issues of tolerance and diversity should be taught in school, because how else are we going to stop the cycle of miseducation, bigotry, and intolerance?
the thing is, i have yet to see a reasonable argument against marriage equality because it simply isn’t reasonable, it isn’t right and it isn’t fair.
i know that to give special privileges to some and refuse the same rights to others has not worked in the past, and it doesn’t have any place in our society today. civil marriage is a legal right, and both myself and the members of my community have every right to a civil marriage as our neighbors, coworkers, families and friends. i consider myself lucky that, i did not grow up a statistic of divorce, nor did most of my friends. until my father’s death my parents were happily married and i am sure that they would still be married today were he still alive. personally i believe in marriage, i think it’s a literal reminder of the choice we make every day in a relationship to love the other person, for better or worse. it complicates the process of separating yourself from that person so that when things get rocky [and at times, they will] you can’t just pick up and go. i believe that relationships are sustained on choice and encouraged by love. i have been blessed to have been witness to many beautiful loving committed relationships during my life, some straight, some queer, and someday i hope to stand before my family and friends and choose to bind myself to my husband [yes husband, not partner], until death do us part. whether or not it is legal, i will have my wedding, and it will be fabulous, because choosing to make a life with someone has little to do with law and everything to do with love. so you don’t have to believe that our relationships are as good as, or equal to yours. you don’t have to accept the way i live my life or who i choose to love. i know who i am. i know that my love is not less than, is not wrong, is not immoral, is not sinful, is not an abomination, is not shameful. my love is bold, beautiful and proud. my love can not be contained or constrained by laws. that being said, while our unions may not need your approval, as citizens of the state of maine it is unfair and unjust to discriminate against us, and it’s high time to give us our fucking rights.
during this campaign i have been surprised time and time again by how many people care so much about this issue who are not GLBT. this particular issues invokes conversation, inspires debate, encourages people to talk about the things that so often are left unsaid. i have had conversations with neighbors, family, friends, parents at the kids’ school, and complete strangers who have all shared with me how important this issue is to them, why it is important to them, and how desperately they want to see marriage equality happen in maine. for every negative editorial printed in the paper, for every misinformed conversation overheard in the grocery store, for every false and misleading commercial sponsored by the opposition, i have witnessed an outpouring of love and support from fellow mainers.
whatever happens election day, someone is going to go to bed disappointed [hopefully not us!], and everyone is going to have to wake up the next morning and coexist in this state. i am hopeful because we can win, i am afraid to be optimistic because we could lose, but regardless of the outcome we can’t say we didn’t try. if we don’t win its because the time isn’t right, it’s because we need to have more conversations, it’s because we need to do more education, it’s because we need to create stronger networks. if we don’t win tomorrow we have to take a deep breath [and a good cry], then get back up and start again. because sooner or later this is going to happen because it is what is right. and if by the grace of God we do win tomorrow, we have to take a deep breath [and a lot of celebration] and then get back up and start working on the next issue.
i have seen what is possible when we work together, i have seen how powerful we can be when we are united in our efforts, i have seen just how much people do care and how much they are willing to do if you just ask. i hope that after the polls close and every last vote is counted, i can feel proud the maine made the right choice. until then i am waiting with held breath and fingers crossed and hoping for the best.
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